"Self-control"

I was ranting to my friend, Matt, the other day about how he left me standing right next to my temptation. I was talking to him about it in more of a joking way, because it was hard standing there like that, but it wasn't anything I knew I couldn't handle. However, the person standing next to Matt, we'll name that friend Joyce, started commenting on my rant. In fact, she was more ranting at me saying that I act and talked as though I had less self-control than I really do. She brought in the idea that I had subconsciously used this as an excuse to give into my temptation.
I'm going to be honest, I thought that this was an interesting idea. However, that statement seemed very harsh and didn't seem true. My friend, we'll name her Stevie, said, 'I think it's more it hurts to be in that situation, then her subconsciously thinking she has less self-control.'
Now, that struck home. See, if I have learned anything recently it's that living for God is the hardest thing you will ever have to do and to be honest, you probably will not receive many rewards in this life-time for it. That is just the point though, we aren't suppose to be living for this life, we are suppose to be looking forward to Heaven and spending it with Christ. It's a very hard life to live, especially when no one around you seems to understand, that's why God gave us the Holy Spirit. The Bible doesn't talk about Him very much, but He is so vital to our faith. John 14:16-17, "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever - the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you."

He lives!

My Savior lives! Doesn't that just blow your mind? How much about God is true based on that one statement? It means that God is active and working in lives around the world right now. He's not a thing of the past or irrelevant to life today because He's alive.
I've heard numerous songs that God is alive, for example Aaron Shust's song "My Savior, My God" and heard people talk about God that way. However, it has never really clicked with me until now. Just think about all the things we can do knowing that God is alive. We can live without any hesitations to obey Him, the lives we can touch and the differences we can make, it's incredible.
I really like the verse Galatians 2:20, "I have been crucified with Chirst and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me." I realize that that verse is a bit out of context here, but really, the implications that that verse makes is just astounding. Having a God who is alive and active in our daily lives is definately a blessing that none of us should take for granted or underexacerate.

God Kills

I cried a lot of tears that came straight from the heart of a girl who let Her God kill her today. These past few weeks have tough, the way it always is when you deny your God. However, I did do as He said, but not nearly quick enough. I had numerous opportunities to deny myself, pick up my cross and follow Him, but I knew that that would "kill" me, so I actively choose not to.
Everyday that I made that choice to reject Him I would feel like I was doing nothing wrong while I was doing wrong, but as soon as I stopped I turned and everywhere there were signs saying, "Laura, I, your God, am telling you what to do. Why do you deny Me?" I heard Him very clearly at night and every night I would make the choice to do what He told me to, but of course the next morning I would immediately do it. I forgot the signs and lost my decision.
Finally, a week ago it got to the point of overflowing pain and with teary eyes I destroyed the very thing I had built my life around.
I've cried a lot lately, the kind of heart-aching cries where there are no tears just pain. It hurts to kill yourself, but it's something that as Christians we have to do, we can't have two masters. In the Bible Christ said this during the Sermon on the Mount. Luke 16:13, "No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." He used the example of money, but this two masters thing applies to all aspects of life, whether friends, family, drugs, success, everything. We have to make an active choice to put God first and we have to learn to let Him kill us because it's the only way to truly live.

Culture

Culture is an interesting thing, and I would love to study it, but not in a classroom. I was walking through the courtyard at school thinking of all the possibilities of classes I have for next year. I'm sure Spanish 4 deals a lot with culture and that it would be very interesting, but I just have no desire to learn about the culture of a country from a textbook. I want to live, I want to experience it!

I am very interested in the world right now. I love languages, and how people in other parts of the world live their lives and interact with various people fascinates me. I would truly enjoy traveling the global and learning all I can about each and every individual country. I would spend all my life doing that, if I had the money for such a life-style.

When I really stop and think about it no two countries are the same, just like no two people are the same. It's kind of difficult to imagine how we all got to be so far apart in technology and governments when we all started from the same humble position, yet through out the millenniums the world has become a completely different place everywhere you turn. Each country has it's own individual history, it's own people, and it's own language.

I don't think I'll learn a culture from a textbook, they really isn't the way to do it. It's one thing to read about someone who has lived an incredible life and something completely different to experience it for yourself. I love the world and the people in it and I want to meet them and really get to know them, not be told a stereotype. When I'm older and have flown the nest I pray that I will have the blessing of traveling the world and learning all about the various cultures it has.

Worship

Worship is by dictionary definition, "the feeling or expression of reverence and adoration of a deity". It is declaring the worth of something. It is not at all about us. It is about how much we love and need God. Worship reflects our relationship with God, it is not our entire relationship with Him. An example of worship includes S.M. Lockridge's "That's My King" message. I recommend you look it up and listen to it, it really does create an impact.

Worship is something that has always been and always will be very important. The Bible even commands us to do it. Psalm 148:5 and 13, "Let them praise the name of the LORD, for he commanded an they were created. Let them praise the name of the LORD, for his name alone is exalted; his splendor is above the earth and the heavens." We were created to worship God with our whole being. Have you ever worshiped God with such passion that you saw nothing else around you? If you have you know that it's in those moments you feel most alive, when you feel the most complete. For those of you that haven't, that's how it feels, it's the most incredible feeling that's ever been experienced here on Earth, it's incomparable. So, what's stopping us from always worshiping God with that passion?

A lot of us live in a self-absorbed state. We tend to ask the question, "How does this benefit me?". Worship just isn't about us, it's God who is the audience, so it's the completely wrong approach to worship. We also concentrate so much on the music and those around us that we get nervous about really letting ourselves go to God. We look around at others around us and feel like they are all watching us, for that I recommend you go to a separate area by yourself so that you can just be alone with God and not have to worry about all the others.

Backing Off

My friend Nick and I haven't really talked since he said that I can't trust him enough to date. Usually us not talking doesn't bother me, it just annoys me when other people talk about how close they are with him. However, the other day when a group of us went to play basketball it was the first time we had seen each other in months. I don't know why, but it really bothered me that we had lost contact. It bothered me to the point where we had to call a timeout because I was crying. He told me that he loved me and that he was a fool for not being there for me anymore, but I really didn't buy it.

I felt so awful because I didn't trust a word that Nick said. I've started thinking that Nick is merely being polite towards me and is perfectly contend with us being acquaintances. And if that's how he wants us to be, fine, I'm not going to pressure him into being friends with me, I wouldn't do that to anyone. It's his choice and I have to leave in God's hands because I really don't want to lose Nick as a friend. He means too much to me, he's helped me with so much and I just have to leave it to God because I know that if I don't, I'll completely mess everything up. I have to pray this prayer to God often so that I don't ever forget that it is not me who can handle the trouble of life, but Christ, my Savior. Psalm 40:11-13, "Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; may your love and your truth always protect me. For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. Be pleased, O LORD, to save me; O LORD, come quickly to help me.

God's Timing

I've never had difficulty being patient, but recently, I have been struggling with letting everything happen in God's time. I so often cry out to Him, 'Why God? Why am I having to wait for what I want? Why does everyone around me have a significant other and I have just me?' Many days I find myself having to stop what I am doing because my desires are so strong. I know that God has perfect timing and that's why things are done, in His time and not mine. Just like it says in Ecclesiastes 3:11, "He has made everything beautiful in it's time, He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from the beginning to end." I just have to wait and be patient. It will be more beautiful if I wait for God's timing then I can release all the passion I'm holding in my heart for that one that special person. It will be better than I could ever imagine and one hundred percent worth the long, hard wait. If I don't have a lot of little relationships then my marriage and the few relationships before my marriage will be that much sweeter.
I've gone through a complete heart change, I use to constantly be in a relationship, or at least my heart has always yearned for one, but all that's given me is heartache. I need my heart to yearn for something that won't let me down. That's why I've changed what I want to something that will be better for me in the long run. However, just because I have changed what I want doesn't mean that my heart has changed what it wants. Basically, that means that it won't be easy, but I know that if I constantly pray to God to help me with this He will because He want to give me strength in my weakness. Psalm 68:35, "You are awesome, O God, in your sanctuary; the God of Israel gives power and strength to his people. Praise be to God!"