Hurting

Ever since I realized it hurts to care I haven't been happy inside like I usually am, instead I have been sad. It's not that I can't be happy and have fun it's that whenever I am not with certain people inside of me feels sad. I don't want to be here anymore, I want to be out in the world evangelizing. I want to go to foreign countries and spread the Word of God, however it's more than that. I also don't to live anymore, don't get me wrong I'm not suicidal. I like being with some people in particular, but other than that I don't want to be on Earth anymore. I want to be in Heaven right now, but I'm not and that means that God isn't done using me yet. I have to lay all these burdens on Him and do His will to the best of my ability and He will help me. 2 Samuel 22:33, "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my ways perfect." This is really new for me though which is all the more reason to lean on Christ who knows what it is like when I feel like I just want to be in Heaven. I have to keep praying and keep remembering that God says that it wouldn't be easy and having a hard time doing something means I'm growing in my walk.