Biopsy

When I was younger there was always a certain mole on my neck that I didn't want. I would always say that I wanted it to be removed, I hated it. I thought it looked so stupid and that everybody secretly laughed at me for it. The years have passed and to be honest, I have started to like it, quite a bit actually. I feel like it's a part of me and that it made me beautiful, it almost felt like a trademark to me. One day, when I went to the dermatologist the doctor said that it looked suspicious for cancer and that we should remove it. It was rather sad to hear, but I would rather have it removed than have cancer, so we set up an appointment.
Today is the day that the appointment was set for and I was extremely nervous. They numbed the area with a local anesthesia, which was rather painful to be honest. Then they started the procedure. I couldn't see what they were doing, but I could hear the sound of scissors and a buzzing noise, it was terrifying. The biopsy lasted about 5 minutes and it felt really short, but not that short. The biopsy itself wasn't that bad, it just feels like a blow to me to loose that mole. I know that sounds silly, but I really started to get attached to it and it's weird to think about how I won't ever have it again. However, the good news is that I won't have cancer because of it. For me, it brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, 'You don't know what you've got till it's gone.' I've really learned to appreciate everything about me because God made me just the way I am for a reason. And to Him every part of me is beautiful, even the parts that I hate.

Starry Night

It was 4 o'clock in the morning and here I was in a freezing cold pool with a few of my best friends. One of my friends looked up at the sky and said, "Look at the stars!" I looked up and was memorized by the beauty of nature. There was a few stars sparkling against the night sky. Seeing the stars and really looking at them took me back to the last time I did this. Last time it made me feel so small compared to the vastness of the universe, however tonight it caused me to feel something different. Tonight I felt important and very special in God's eyes. My friends started to splash each other and I thought about how God knows their futures. One of my friends, we'll name her Hope, is moving away in a couple of weeks. We're all sad about it, but those stars reminded me how Hope is always in God's thoughts. That doesn't just apply to Hope, it is just as relevant to all of His other stars. The lyrics to the song "God Is Watching Over You" ring so true, the chorus goes as following:
God is watching over you as always
You are loved whatever you go through
He's right beside you
God is watching over you as always
And if you think He'll ever leave you
You'd better think again
I've said it before, but I can't say it enough, trust God with all you are. He placed you in your part of the sky for a reason, all you have to do is let your starlight shine for all to see, stare, and be memorized in the amazement of your beauty.

God: Merciful Judge

James 4:12, "There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?"
For me that verse means that Jesus makes the final decision and He loves the people I care so much about so He's going to makes the right choice. And, no one will sway Him from His decision or influence it, nor is anyone ever going to be able to interfere with it being carried out. The reason for that is that not only is Jesus the Judge, but He is also the executioner.

Romans 9:16, "So then it does not depend on the man who wills or the man who runs, but on God who has mercy."
What is in store for those people who I am deeply concerned about is not up to me at all. I have nothing to do with what happens to them. I can pray, plead, and cry before God for them, but that's it. I feel like a bystander in a court room running up before the Judge begging Him o have mercy on these poor souls, to spare them from the pain that I know all to well. I know it would teach them a lesson, but I pray they don't have to learn it this way. It's been over a year since I was where they are and I still feel and notice the effects of learning this lesson the hard way. Thankfully I stand before a merciful and just Judge who doesn't want them hurt anymore than I do. He's going to do what's best for them beyond what I can see.

Guys

The following is a rant that I wrote when I was extremely frustrated with the actions of this girl I have heard about. Remember, these are my thoughts and my thoughts alone.

She can not trust him! He has already told his friend everything she has confided in him and it wasn't even that long ago that she told him!

He's ridiculous they both are if they think that confiding in each other will build their relationship. The more you put in to it the more you'll hurt when it's over. Confiding in a romantic relationship is really more for married couples, if you start doing that now you aren't getting ready for marriage you are practicing divorce. Yes, relationships are built on trust, but trust takes time and you have to get to know someone first. When I say that I mean knowing them as a friend for at least a year so that you can see their true character. Maybe she thinks she can trust him, but that's because he's putting on a mask to keep her. He acts trustworthy, but then turns around and tells his friends everything and they laugh about it. No offense to her, honestly, but she's an idiot in this sense and needs to learn a lot about boys and dating relationships. They should both read "Dateable". She is going to learn a lot though when he dumps her because she'll be so hurt. I'm going to start praying for her too.

How could he do that to her, having her tell him private things? He's manipulating her! That shows even more how inconsiderate, immature, and unchivalrous he is! Why does he even need to know that kind of stuff? He doesn't he just wants to and is being his ridiculous and selfish self! I really don't understand this; actually I think I might. He's being an extremely stupid and immature male who needs to mature and have a heart in God and not in worthless worldly things.

Girls like him because he says all the things they want to hear, but all that means it that he has perfected his words on other girls and they are empty! To him it is just a game and nothing more.


The guy I'm talking about in this rant admitted that the last paragraph was true. Now, I'm not saying that all guys are like this, I'm not saying that at all. All I am saying is that girls need to be extremely careful with guys and their tricky ways. Also, guys, it would be greatly appreciated by every girl I know if you wouldn't mess with our emotions, and that you would be very careful with our hearts.

Hope

A couple of days ago I heard some news from someone extremely close to me that shook my world. I heard from that person that they might have pancreas cancer and if they does it could be fatal. To be honest, I didn't handle that news well. I started sobbing and my breaths were shallow and I cried all day. The next day my body subconsciously started to prepare for the worse, my body had already accepted the fact that she's gone and was starting to get over it when my friend, Tanya, might not have the cancer.
I feel depressed because she's not a Christian. I talked about this with Nick and he reminded me that God has the whole world in His hands and God loves Tanya more than I do. God doesn't want to lose Tanya either, He wants her in Heaven and God can change her heart. God can draw her into Him, He can do it and I can't. That's still a very difficult thing for me to accept, but I can't deny it. God created the universe and everything happening is done out of His will and is for His glory. God will do what brings Him glory and if that includes saving Tanya then she will become a Christian. It's comforting to know that God has it all in His hands and that He hears our prayers so, please pray for her, I'm begging you. Please pray that God changes her heart and that she becomes a Christian and also pray that she doesn't have cancer.
Revelation 4:11, "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."

Change

I firmly believe people can change, I don't think there's anyone in the world who's heart can't be changed by God. However, I also think that you have to be very careful when people say and act like they've changed, especially if they've deceived you in the past. I say that because for all you know they're putting up an act to impress you or win back your friendship, the only way to tell whether or not they have really changed is patience. If they are just putting up an act then after awhile they won't be able to keep it up anymore and go back to showing you who they really are.
Lately I have been believing that someone I know has changed, that person is Joe. He's chivalrous now, he really reminds me a lot of Nick and it's just been incredible. When Joe first started acting this way I was really skeptical, so one night I prayed to God to show me that Joe had really changed or if he was just faking it. I prayed that God would have Joe not do a particular sin that Joe does quite often and the next day Joe didn't do it. I was completely amazed and so excited because that erased all my skepticism.
You have to be so careful though with people changing because if you just believe them they can easily deceive you again. Remember 1 John 3:20, "whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than hearts, and he knows everything." God knows everything, so He knows if people are just putting up an act and He will help us to see that if we let Him.

Hurting

Ever since I realized it hurts to care I haven't been happy inside like I usually am, instead I have been sad. It's not that I can't be happy and have fun it's that whenever I am not with certain people inside of me feels sad. I don't want to be here anymore, I want to be out in the world evangelizing. I want to go to foreign countries and spread the Word of God, however it's more than that. I also don't to live anymore, don't get me wrong I'm not suicidal. I like being with some people in particular, but other than that I don't want to be on Earth anymore. I want to be in Heaven right now, but I'm not and that means that God isn't done using me yet. I have to lay all these burdens on Him and do His will to the best of my ability and He will help me. 2 Samuel 22:33, "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my ways perfect." This is really new for me though which is all the more reason to lean on Christ who knows what it is like when I feel like I just want to be in Heaven. I have to keep praying and keep remembering that God says that it wouldn't be easy and having a hard time doing something means I'm growing in my walk.