Hope

A couple of days ago I heard some news from someone extremely close to me that shook my world. I heard from that person that they might have pancreas cancer and if they does it could be fatal. To be honest, I didn't handle that news well. I started sobbing and my breaths were shallow and I cried all day. The next day my body subconsciously started to prepare for the worse, my body had already accepted the fact that she's gone and was starting to get over it when my friend, Tanya, might not have the cancer.
I feel depressed because she's not a Christian. I talked about this with Nick and he reminded me that God has the whole world in His hands and God loves Tanya more than I do. God doesn't want to lose Tanya either, He wants her in Heaven and God can change her heart. God can draw her into Him, He can do it and I can't. That's still a very difficult thing for me to accept, but I can't deny it. God created the universe and everything happening is done out of His will and is for His glory. God will do what brings Him glory and if that includes saving Tanya then she will become a Christian. It's comforting to know that God has it all in His hands and that He hears our prayers so, please pray for her, I'm begging you. Please pray that God changes her heart and that she becomes a Christian and also pray that she doesn't have cancer.
Revelation 4:11, "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."

Change

I firmly believe people can change, I don't think there's anyone in the world who's heart can't be changed by God. However, I also think that you have to be very careful when people say and act like they've changed, especially if they've deceived you in the past. I say that because for all you know they're putting up an act to impress you or win back your friendship, the only way to tell whether or not they have really changed is patience. If they are just putting up an act then after awhile they won't be able to keep it up anymore and go back to showing you who they really are.
Lately I have been believing that someone I know has changed, that person is Joe. He's chivalrous now, he really reminds me a lot of Nick and it's just been incredible. When Joe first started acting this way I was really skeptical, so one night I prayed to God to show me that Joe had really changed or if he was just faking it. I prayed that God would have Joe not do a particular sin that Joe does quite often and the next day Joe didn't do it. I was completely amazed and so excited because that erased all my skepticism.
You have to be so careful though with people changing because if you just believe them they can easily deceive you again. Remember 1 John 3:20, "whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than hearts, and he knows everything." God knows everything, so He knows if people are just putting up an act and He will help us to see that if we let Him.

Hurting

Ever since I realized it hurts to care I haven't been happy inside like I usually am, instead I have been sad. It's not that I can't be happy and have fun it's that whenever I am not with certain people inside of me feels sad. I don't want to be here anymore, I want to be out in the world evangelizing. I want to go to foreign countries and spread the Word of God, however it's more than that. I also don't to live anymore, don't get me wrong I'm not suicidal. I like being with some people in particular, but other than that I don't want to be on Earth anymore. I want to be in Heaven right now, but I'm not and that means that God isn't done using me yet. I have to lay all these burdens on Him and do His will to the best of my ability and He will help me. 2 Samuel 22:33, "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my ways perfect." This is really new for me though which is all the more reason to lean on Christ who knows what it is like when I feel like I just want to be in Heaven. I have to keep praying and keep remembering that God says that it wouldn't be easy and having a hard time doing something means I'm growing in my walk.

Surrender

The other night I was sitting in bed listening the the radio, as I was listening a song came on and I started to sing along with it. I don't remember even what the song was but it left a big impression on me as I sang. While I was singing I felt my heart surrendering to God and tears flooded my eyes. When the song ended I started praying a prayer with more emotion than I have ever prayed before. I cried to God that I can't do it on my own and I know that now, I know that I have to give it all up to Him. I prayed for everyone near to me by name and ways I prayed God would help them. I also prayed for those I don't know, those hurting, and those being persecuted for their faith in Christ. The other night is the night that I finally learned what it meant to be broken, what it meant to come crying to God. I will never forget it because after I cried out to Him and surrendered all my burdens to Him I felt so freed and I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.

Caring

Have you ever cared so much it hurt? I can honestly say that as of today, I have. In case you need me to, let me define 'caring so much it hurts'. What I mean by that is that my heart feels heavy with all my caring, everyday I see people throwing their lives away on silly mistakes. It hurts so much to see them make those silly choices that I cry because I love them all so much and I worry about them. I think this is the caring that Christ has for us, I think I'm experiencing what Christ feels for us, at least more than I have before. I mean, I don't just feel this way for people I'm friends with but also for the people struggling who's conversations I overhear while passing by. My heart goes out to those hurting and have a broken heart or dealing with addictions, a huge reason for that is because of my Uncle John.
1 Thessalonians 2:6b-8, "As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us." Those verses describe exactly what I'm going through, word for word almost. I have to learn that I can't save the world, which is really hard for me. I have to remember that only Christ can heal broken spirits and He can save people just like He saved me. He doesn't need my help and I am so honored that He lets me be a piece in His plan. Not only that, but these are also the times when we grow closer to God, which is what I learned this Easter.
Exodus 15:2, "The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him."

Crazy

I have been friends with a boy, who we will name Mike, for a quite a few months now. We've gotten a long alright, I've always thought he was great, but also a little odd. It turns out that ever since I met him he's been testing me and 'picking' at me in different ways. Apparently every year he chooses someone to help, by help he means that he finds out someone's greatest weakness and attempts to fix it. He has done this for three years now and has determined me as a complete success.
He had determined my greatest weakness as my lack of self-confidence, so these past months he's been challenging me in multiple ways to see if I improve in that area. Not only would he test me but he would also talk to me about how I need to stand-up for myself more and it wasn't until a few days ago that I actually did. It was really exciting and I now see Mike completely different. I see him as a guy who really cares about people and likes to help them out. I see him as someone who is very smart and can really understand someone and find things they can improve on. However, not only can he find the weakness but he can also find a way to help them improve it. I've never seen anyone do that before and I think that's really incredible.

Love

Love is a word that people use all the time, it is also a word that can easily be misunderstood when used in English. For example you could say, "I love you" to a friend of the opposite gender and mean you love them as a friends, but they could accidentally take it in a romantic sense. The Greek, however, were very smart and had multiple words for love, a different word for all the senses of the word. The most commonly used and recognized is agape meaning unconditional, unselfish, and undeserved love. Agape is the way that God loves us and I believe that only He deserves agape and is the only that can fully give it.
Besides agape there are three other Greek words for love. Storge is family love, philia is friendship love, and eros is romantic love. I really like that the Greek had all these words for love because love is the greatest thing on earth. It's one of the things that the human soul longs for the most. I think that we should say I love you to those that we do love often, whether it be storge, philia, or even eros because it just means so much to hear those three words. And I want you to know that my heart is filled with philia for you and I pray that your heart is being filled with agape for God.