Hope

A couple of days ago I heard some news from someone extremely close to me that shook my world. I heard from that person that they might have pancreas cancer and if they does it could be fatal. To be honest, I didn't handle that news well. I started sobbing and my breaths were shallow and I cried all day. The next day my body subconsciously started to prepare for the worse, my body had already accepted the fact that she's gone and was starting to get over it when my friend, Tanya, might not have the cancer.
I feel depressed because she's not a Christian. I talked about this with Nick and he reminded me that God has the whole world in His hands and God loves Tanya more than I do. God doesn't want to lose Tanya either, He wants her in Heaven and God can change her heart. God can draw her into Him, He can do it and I can't. That's still a very difficult thing for me to accept, but I can't deny it. God created the universe and everything happening is done out of His will and is for His glory. God will do what brings Him glory and if that includes saving Tanya then she will become a Christian. It's comforting to know that God has it all in His hands and that He hears our prayers so, please pray for her, I'm begging you. Please pray that God changes her heart and that she becomes a Christian and also pray that she doesn't have cancer.
Revelation 4:11, "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."

Change

I firmly believe people can change, I don't think there's anyone in the world who's heart can't be changed by God. However, I also think that you have to be very careful when people say and act like they've changed, especially if they've deceived you in the past. I say that because for all you know they're putting up an act to impress you or win back your friendship, the only way to tell whether or not they have really changed is patience. If they are just putting up an act then after awhile they won't be able to keep it up anymore and go back to showing you who they really are.
Lately I have been believing that someone I know has changed, that person is Joe. He's chivalrous now, he really reminds me a lot of Nick and it's just been incredible. When Joe first started acting this way I was really skeptical, so one night I prayed to God to show me that Joe had really changed or if he was just faking it. I prayed that God would have Joe not do a particular sin that Joe does quite often and the next day Joe didn't do it. I was completely amazed and so excited because that erased all my skepticism.
You have to be so careful though with people changing because if you just believe them they can easily deceive you again. Remember 1 John 3:20, "whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than hearts, and he knows everything." God knows everything, so He knows if people are just putting up an act and He will help us to see that if we let Him.

Hurting

Ever since I realized it hurts to care I haven't been happy inside like I usually am, instead I have been sad. It's not that I can't be happy and have fun it's that whenever I am not with certain people inside of me feels sad. I don't want to be here anymore, I want to be out in the world evangelizing. I want to go to foreign countries and spread the Word of God, however it's more than that. I also don't to live anymore, don't get me wrong I'm not suicidal. I like being with some people in particular, but other than that I don't want to be on Earth anymore. I want to be in Heaven right now, but I'm not and that means that God isn't done using me yet. I have to lay all these burdens on Him and do His will to the best of my ability and He will help me. 2 Samuel 22:33, "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my ways perfect." This is really new for me though which is all the more reason to lean on Christ who knows what it is like when I feel like I just want to be in Heaven. I have to keep praying and keep remembering that God says that it wouldn't be easy and having a hard time doing something means I'm growing in my walk.