Culture

Culture is an interesting thing, and I would love to study it, but not in a classroom. I was walking through the courtyard at school thinking of all the possibilities of classes I have for next year. I'm sure Spanish 4 deals a lot with culture and that it would be very interesting, but I just have no desire to learn about the culture of a country from a textbook. I want to live, I want to experience it!

I am very interested in the world right now. I love languages, and how people in other parts of the world live their lives and interact with various people fascinates me. I would truly enjoy traveling the global and learning all I can about each and every individual country. I would spend all my life doing that, if I had the money for such a life-style.

When I really stop and think about it no two countries are the same, just like no two people are the same. It's kind of difficult to imagine how we all got to be so far apart in technology and governments when we all started from the same humble position, yet through out the millenniums the world has become a completely different place everywhere you turn. Each country has it's own individual history, it's own people, and it's own language.

I don't think I'll learn a culture from a textbook, they really isn't the way to do it. It's one thing to read about someone who has lived an incredible life and something completely different to experience it for yourself. I love the world and the people in it and I want to meet them and really get to know them, not be told a stereotype. When I'm older and have flown the nest I pray that I will have the blessing of traveling the world and learning all about the various cultures it has.

Worship

Worship is by dictionary definition, "the feeling or expression of reverence and adoration of a deity". It is declaring the worth of something. It is not at all about us. It is about how much we love and need God. Worship reflects our relationship with God, it is not our entire relationship with Him. An example of worship includes S.M. Lockridge's "That's My King" message. I recommend you look it up and listen to it, it really does create an impact.

Worship is something that has always been and always will be very important. The Bible even commands us to do it. Psalm 148:5 and 13, "Let them praise the name of the LORD, for he commanded an they were created. Let them praise the name of the LORD, for his name alone is exalted; his splendor is above the earth and the heavens." We were created to worship God with our whole being. Have you ever worshiped God with such passion that you saw nothing else around you? If you have you know that it's in those moments you feel most alive, when you feel the most complete. For those of you that haven't, that's how it feels, it's the most incredible feeling that's ever been experienced here on Earth, it's incomparable. So, what's stopping us from always worshiping God with that passion?

A lot of us live in a self-absorbed state. We tend to ask the question, "How does this benefit me?". Worship just isn't about us, it's God who is the audience, so it's the completely wrong approach to worship. We also concentrate so much on the music and those around us that we get nervous about really letting ourselves go to God. We look around at others around us and feel like they are all watching us, for that I recommend you go to a separate area by yourself so that you can just be alone with God and not have to worry about all the others.

Backing Off

My friend Nick and I haven't really talked since he said that I can't trust him enough to date. Usually us not talking doesn't bother me, it just annoys me when other people talk about how close they are with him. However, the other day when a group of us went to play basketball it was the first time we had seen each other in months. I don't know why, but it really bothered me that we had lost contact. It bothered me to the point where we had to call a timeout because I was crying. He told me that he loved me and that he was a fool for not being there for me anymore, but I really didn't buy it.

I felt so awful because I didn't trust a word that Nick said. I've started thinking that Nick is merely being polite towards me and is perfectly contend with us being acquaintances. And if that's how he wants us to be, fine, I'm not going to pressure him into being friends with me, I wouldn't do that to anyone. It's his choice and I have to leave in God's hands because I really don't want to lose Nick as a friend. He means too much to me, he's helped me with so much and I just have to leave it to God because I know that if I don't, I'll completely mess everything up. I have to pray this prayer to God often so that I don't ever forget that it is not me who can handle the trouble of life, but Christ, my Savior. Psalm 40:11-13, "Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD; may your love and your truth always protect me. For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. Be pleased, O LORD, to save me; O LORD, come quickly to help me.

God's Timing

I've never had difficulty being patient, but recently, I have been struggling with letting everything happen in God's time. I so often cry out to Him, 'Why God? Why am I having to wait for what I want? Why does everyone around me have a significant other and I have just me?' Many days I find myself having to stop what I am doing because my desires are so strong. I know that God has perfect timing and that's why things are done, in His time and not mine. Just like it says in Ecclesiastes 3:11, "He has made everything beautiful in it's time, He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from the beginning to end." I just have to wait and be patient. It will be more beautiful if I wait for God's timing then I can release all the passion I'm holding in my heart for that one that special person. It will be better than I could ever imagine and one hundred percent worth the long, hard wait. If I don't have a lot of little relationships then my marriage and the few relationships before my marriage will be that much sweeter.
I've gone through a complete heart change, I use to constantly be in a relationship, or at least my heart has always yearned for one, but all that's given me is heartache. I need my heart to yearn for something that won't let me down. That's why I've changed what I want to something that will be better for me in the long run. However, just because I have changed what I want doesn't mean that my heart has changed what it wants. Basically, that means that it won't be easy, but I know that if I constantly pray to God to help me with this He will because He want to give me strength in my weakness. Psalm 68:35, "You are awesome, O God, in your sanctuary; the God of Israel gives power and strength to his people. Praise be to God!"

Biopsy

When I was younger there was always a certain mole on my neck that I didn't want. I would always say that I wanted it to be removed, I hated it. I thought it looked so stupid and that everybody secretly laughed at me for it. The years have passed and to be honest, I have started to like it, quite a bit actually. I feel like it's a part of me and that it made me beautiful, it almost felt like a trademark to me. One day, when I went to the dermatologist the doctor said that it looked suspicious for cancer and that we should remove it. It was rather sad to hear, but I would rather have it removed than have cancer, so we set up an appointment.
Today is the day that the appointment was set for and I was extremely nervous. They numbed the area with a local anesthesia, which was rather painful to be honest. Then they started the procedure. I couldn't see what they were doing, but I could hear the sound of scissors and a buzzing noise, it was terrifying. The biopsy lasted about 5 minutes and it felt really short, but not that short. The biopsy itself wasn't that bad, it just feels like a blow to me to loose that mole. I know that sounds silly, but I really started to get attached to it and it's weird to think about how I won't ever have it again. However, the good news is that I won't have cancer because of it. For me, it brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, 'You don't know what you've got till it's gone.' I've really learned to appreciate everything about me because God made me just the way I am for a reason. And to Him every part of me is beautiful, even the parts that I hate.

Starry Night

It was 4 o'clock in the morning and here I was in a freezing cold pool with a few of my best friends. One of my friends looked up at the sky and said, "Look at the stars!" I looked up and was memorized by the beauty of nature. There was a few stars sparkling against the night sky. Seeing the stars and really looking at them took me back to the last time I did this. Last time it made me feel so small compared to the vastness of the universe, however tonight it caused me to feel something different. Tonight I felt important and very special in God's eyes. My friends started to splash each other and I thought about how God knows their futures. One of my friends, we'll name her Hope, is moving away in a couple of weeks. We're all sad about it, but those stars reminded me how Hope is always in God's thoughts. That doesn't just apply to Hope, it is just as relevant to all of His other stars. The lyrics to the song "God Is Watching Over You" ring so true, the chorus goes as following:
God is watching over you as always
You are loved whatever you go through
He's right beside you
God is watching over you as always
And if you think He'll ever leave you
You'd better think again
I've said it before, but I can't say it enough, trust God with all you are. He placed you in your part of the sky for a reason, all you have to do is let your starlight shine for all to see, stare, and be memorized in the amazement of your beauty.

God: Merciful Judge

James 4:12, "There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?"
For me that verse means that Jesus makes the final decision and He loves the people I care so much about so He's going to makes the right choice. And, no one will sway Him from His decision or influence it, nor is anyone ever going to be able to interfere with it being carried out. The reason for that is that not only is Jesus the Judge, but He is also the executioner.

Romans 9:16, "So then it does not depend on the man who wills or the man who runs, but on God who has mercy."
What is in store for those people who I am deeply concerned about is not up to me at all. I have nothing to do with what happens to them. I can pray, plead, and cry before God for them, but that's it. I feel like a bystander in a court room running up before the Judge begging Him o have mercy on these poor souls, to spare them from the pain that I know all to well. I know it would teach them a lesson, but I pray they don't have to learn it this way. It's been over a year since I was where they are and I still feel and notice the effects of learning this lesson the hard way. Thankfully I stand before a merciful and just Judge who doesn't want them hurt anymore than I do. He's going to do what's best for them beyond what I can see.

Guys

The following is a rant that I wrote when I was extremely frustrated with the actions of this girl I have heard about. Remember, these are my thoughts and my thoughts alone.

She can not trust him! He has already told his friend everything she has confided in him and it wasn't even that long ago that she told him!

He's ridiculous they both are if they think that confiding in each other will build their relationship. The more you put in to it the more you'll hurt when it's over. Confiding in a romantic relationship is really more for married couples, if you start doing that now you aren't getting ready for marriage you are practicing divorce. Yes, relationships are built on trust, but trust takes time and you have to get to know someone first. When I say that I mean knowing them as a friend for at least a year so that you can see their true character. Maybe she thinks she can trust him, but that's because he's putting on a mask to keep her. He acts trustworthy, but then turns around and tells his friends everything and they laugh about it. No offense to her, honestly, but she's an idiot in this sense and needs to learn a lot about boys and dating relationships. They should both read "Dateable". She is going to learn a lot though when he dumps her because she'll be so hurt. I'm going to start praying for her too.

How could he do that to her, having her tell him private things? He's manipulating her! That shows even more how inconsiderate, immature, and unchivalrous he is! Why does he even need to know that kind of stuff? He doesn't he just wants to and is being his ridiculous and selfish self! I really don't understand this; actually I think I might. He's being an extremely stupid and immature male who needs to mature and have a heart in God and not in worthless worldly things.

Girls like him because he says all the things they want to hear, but all that means it that he has perfected his words on other girls and they are empty! To him it is just a game and nothing more.


The guy I'm talking about in this rant admitted that the last paragraph was true. Now, I'm not saying that all guys are like this, I'm not saying that at all. All I am saying is that girls need to be extremely careful with guys and their tricky ways. Also, guys, it would be greatly appreciated by every girl I know if you wouldn't mess with our emotions, and that you would be very careful with our hearts.

Hope

A couple of days ago I heard some news from someone extremely close to me that shook my world. I heard from that person that they might have pancreas cancer and if they does it could be fatal. To be honest, I didn't handle that news well. I started sobbing and my breaths were shallow and I cried all day. The next day my body subconsciously started to prepare for the worse, my body had already accepted the fact that she's gone and was starting to get over it when my friend, Tanya, might not have the cancer.
I feel depressed because she's not a Christian. I talked about this with Nick and he reminded me that God has the whole world in His hands and God loves Tanya more than I do. God doesn't want to lose Tanya either, He wants her in Heaven and God can change her heart. God can draw her into Him, He can do it and I can't. That's still a very difficult thing for me to accept, but I can't deny it. God created the universe and everything happening is done out of His will and is for His glory. God will do what brings Him glory and if that includes saving Tanya then she will become a Christian. It's comforting to know that God has it all in His hands and that He hears our prayers so, please pray for her, I'm begging you. Please pray that God changes her heart and that she becomes a Christian and also pray that she doesn't have cancer.
Revelation 4:11, "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."

Change

I firmly believe people can change, I don't think there's anyone in the world who's heart can't be changed by God. However, I also think that you have to be very careful when people say and act like they've changed, especially if they've deceived you in the past. I say that because for all you know they're putting up an act to impress you or win back your friendship, the only way to tell whether or not they have really changed is patience. If they are just putting up an act then after awhile they won't be able to keep it up anymore and go back to showing you who they really are.
Lately I have been believing that someone I know has changed, that person is Joe. He's chivalrous now, he really reminds me a lot of Nick and it's just been incredible. When Joe first started acting this way I was really skeptical, so one night I prayed to God to show me that Joe had really changed or if he was just faking it. I prayed that God would have Joe not do a particular sin that Joe does quite often and the next day Joe didn't do it. I was completely amazed and so excited because that erased all my skepticism.
You have to be so careful though with people changing because if you just believe them they can easily deceive you again. Remember 1 John 3:20, "whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than hearts, and he knows everything." God knows everything, so He knows if people are just putting up an act and He will help us to see that if we let Him.

Hurting

Ever since I realized it hurts to care I haven't been happy inside like I usually am, instead I have been sad. It's not that I can't be happy and have fun it's that whenever I am not with certain people inside of me feels sad. I don't want to be here anymore, I want to be out in the world evangelizing. I want to go to foreign countries and spread the Word of God, however it's more than that. I also don't to live anymore, don't get me wrong I'm not suicidal. I like being with some people in particular, but other than that I don't want to be on Earth anymore. I want to be in Heaven right now, but I'm not and that means that God isn't done using me yet. I have to lay all these burdens on Him and do His will to the best of my ability and He will help me. 2 Samuel 22:33, "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my ways perfect." This is really new for me though which is all the more reason to lean on Christ who knows what it is like when I feel like I just want to be in Heaven. I have to keep praying and keep remembering that God says that it wouldn't be easy and having a hard time doing something means I'm growing in my walk.

Surrender

The other night I was sitting in bed listening the the radio, as I was listening a song came on and I started to sing along with it. I don't remember even what the song was but it left a big impression on me as I sang. While I was singing I felt my heart surrendering to God and tears flooded my eyes. When the song ended I started praying a prayer with more emotion than I have ever prayed before. I cried to God that I can't do it on my own and I know that now, I know that I have to give it all up to Him. I prayed for everyone near to me by name and ways I prayed God would help them. I also prayed for those I don't know, those hurting, and those being persecuted for their faith in Christ. The other night is the night that I finally learned what it meant to be broken, what it meant to come crying to God. I will never forget it because after I cried out to Him and surrendered all my burdens to Him I felt so freed and I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.

Caring

Have you ever cared so much it hurt? I can honestly say that as of today, I have. In case you need me to, let me define 'caring so much it hurts'. What I mean by that is that my heart feels heavy with all my caring, everyday I see people throwing their lives away on silly mistakes. It hurts so much to see them make those silly choices that I cry because I love them all so much and I worry about them. I think this is the caring that Christ has for us, I think I'm experiencing what Christ feels for us, at least more than I have before. I mean, I don't just feel this way for people I'm friends with but also for the people struggling who's conversations I overhear while passing by. My heart goes out to those hurting and have a broken heart or dealing with addictions, a huge reason for that is because of my Uncle John.
1 Thessalonians 2:6b-8, "As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us." Those verses describe exactly what I'm going through, word for word almost. I have to learn that I can't save the world, which is really hard for me. I have to remember that only Christ can heal broken spirits and He can save people just like He saved me. He doesn't need my help and I am so honored that He lets me be a piece in His plan. Not only that, but these are also the times when we grow closer to God, which is what I learned this Easter.
Exodus 15:2, "The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him."

Crazy

I have been friends with a boy, who we will name Mike, for a quite a few months now. We've gotten a long alright, I've always thought he was great, but also a little odd. It turns out that ever since I met him he's been testing me and 'picking' at me in different ways. Apparently every year he chooses someone to help, by help he means that he finds out someone's greatest weakness and attempts to fix it. He has done this for three years now and has determined me as a complete success.
He had determined my greatest weakness as my lack of self-confidence, so these past months he's been challenging me in multiple ways to see if I improve in that area. Not only would he test me but he would also talk to me about how I need to stand-up for myself more and it wasn't until a few days ago that I actually did. It was really exciting and I now see Mike completely different. I see him as a guy who really cares about people and likes to help them out. I see him as someone who is very smart and can really understand someone and find things they can improve on. However, not only can he find the weakness but he can also find a way to help them improve it. I've never seen anyone do that before and I think that's really incredible.

Love

Love is a word that people use all the time, it is also a word that can easily be misunderstood when used in English. For example you could say, "I love you" to a friend of the opposite gender and mean you love them as a friends, but they could accidentally take it in a romantic sense. The Greek, however, were very smart and had multiple words for love, a different word for all the senses of the word. The most commonly used and recognized is agape meaning unconditional, unselfish, and undeserved love. Agape is the way that God loves us and I believe that only He deserves agape and is the only that can fully give it.
Besides agape there are three other Greek words for love. Storge is family love, philia is friendship love, and eros is romantic love. I really like that the Greek had all these words for love because love is the greatest thing on earth. It's one of the things that the human soul longs for the most. I think that we should say I love you to those that we do love often, whether it be storge, philia, or even eros because it just means so much to hear those three words. And I want you to know that my heart is filled with philia for you and I pray that your heart is being filled with agape for God.

Getting A Rise

People often times mess with people to get a reaction, and they enjoy doing that. It's very easy to give them the reaction they're looking for, but you can't give them that satisfaction. It's really difficult to ignore those people when they are annoying you, trust me I know, but you have to. It's so much easier to react and yell at them or try to talk to them about it. However you have to listen to me when I say it's not worth it. If they are going to be rude to you then they aren't worth your time. God made you special and you deserve incredible friends that love you and don't treat you like dirt. When people treat you poorly remember the intensity of God's love for you and understand that the Lord of lords and King of kings wouldn't want you to let anyone treat you that way.
Psalm 139:14, "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Adventure

Life with God in control is like a never-ending adventure jam-packed with excitement. The adventure does go through rough patches, but then there are those times when you feel God is so close that it's breath-taking. Those times trump the bad times and make it all worth it, however the reason we follow God can slip away during the hard times. During those hard times we have to remember that God is still there and wants to carry us, like it says in the song I Will Carry You by Amy Grant. God's strength is more than enough to see us through the difficult times and He wants to carry us, so why don't we let Him?
We don't let Him because we think He's abandoned us, however it's the opposite. The times that pull us away from God are meant to draw us closer. It's like what I said yesterday it's during the extremely hard times that we understand Him. No matter where you are in the adventure right now, pray to God asking Him to remind you that He is always there and never stops caring, no matter how much we believe otherwise.

Passion Week

Passion Week is the last week of Jesus's life, it starts on Palm Sunday and goes to Good Friday. Through out that week Jesus goes through almost everything you can imagine. He experiences going from the top of the world, having a parade and people praising Him to being betrayed by one of His good friends and being killed with no fault. So He understands everything we are going through when we think no one else does. Actually when we are feeling down it is then that we really understand Him and the pain He experienced.
Today is Easter Sunday, but I prefer to think of it as Resurrection Sunday. It's a day that we remember that we are not alone even when we feel like no one understands. We have a hope like no one because of Christ, His sacrifice, and His resurrection. We have the blessings of knowing that even though He is the God of the universe He understands and loves each of us beyond comprehension.
Hebrews 4:15-16, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in our time of need."

Poor Souls

I was talking with a few of my friends the other day and we started talking about religion. Three of my friends thought one thing and my other friend and I thought the opposite, the sad thing is that we all said we were Christians. The three friends that I was talking to said quite a few things that contradicted the Bible, like all religions worship the same god. To hear my friends talk like this really hurt, it made the friend I agreed with, who we'll name George, and I really worried for them. We're worried because if they can disagree as much as they did with the Scripture then they might not be saved. However, George and I know that only God knows people's hearts and all we can do is pray for them. My three friends said that they weren't rock solid on their beliefs and that gives me hope. God can show Himself through me to them and with prayer they can come to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ too.

Anger

At this moment I am in a situation where someone is being incredibly aggravating and I am defiantly showing my anger. Actually, to be honest I am way past angry I am up to the point where I am infuriated and enraged, which is a new feeling for me. I've never really been this furious with someone before and I don't like it, I feel rather violent towards the person which is never okay. As it is stated in Genesis 49:7, "Cursed be their anger, so fierce, and their fury, so cruel! I will scatter them in Jacob and disperse then in Israel." Christ does get angry, but His anger is righteous, mine isn't. I have to strive to be like Christ and learn to do as it says in Luke 6:28-29, "bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic." So again I implore you to pray for me in this area, your prayers are always greatly appreciated. Also if you ever have any prayer requests please send me a comment and I will make it a priority to pray for you.

Memories

The brain remembers a lot of things, one example is memories. The brain can store memories by different things like taste and sight however, the strongest way is by smell. I have a flood of memories attached to a certain scent, I would describe it to you but I don't know how to. It was what Joe always smelled like, so all of my memories with him are attached to this one smell. The one that sticks out the most though is the time that we went to see a play together. During intermission we went outside and had a lot of fun walking and teasing each other. As you can imagine, now, when I smell that smell my stomach flip-flops and it's very bitter-sweet. This smell and everything that the smell causes usually isn't a problem but, I just bought a few pairs of pants that have that scent. I'm sure after I wash the pants a couple more times the smell will go away, but right now to go around all day with that smell is hard for me. So please, pray for me to stay strong and continue to not have contact with Joe. I know he's not worth it but it's still extremely hard so please pray for me, I really need it right now.

It's Not Okay

I have always thought that forgiving people is something I should do no matter what because if Jesus can forgive me then there's no reason why I can't forgive others. However, it is not okay to say 'it's okay' if someone hurts you're feelings. You may think that you're saying 'I forgive you' but you're really not. What you are saying is that someone didn't hurt your feelings when that isn't true, and it is not okay for people to hurt your feelings. You need to say other things to get across to people that you forgive them, you could say 'thank you for apologizing' or 'I forgive you'. The mother of my friend, who we'll name Matt, taught me this very important lesson. It's something I defiantly needed to learn that, it's like God spoke through Matt's mom. I really encourage you guys to think about that cause that's something I think a lot of people do without realizing it. If you are one of those people who do this, don't worry I'm right there with you and I'm praying for God to help us not to do that anymore.

The Old Me

In the past I have been the girl who cares a lot about what people say about her. I have always cared when people were upset with something I did and I would try to fix it. This morning I got a message from Will, who I have mentioned before, and he said he was very upset with me. He told me to not even talk to him because what I did didn't just affect him it affected other people too. He also said that I wasn't just losing him as a friend but those other people as well. Now, usually I would talk to him about it and try to fix it, and that's what he is expecting because that is the person I have always been, however I'm different now. Today I am a much stronger person than I was yesterday and I really don't care if Will is upset with me. If he doesn't want to talk to me because of something I did, which to be honest is probably something really small, than fine. If that's how he wants to react to things he can, but I'm not going to be caught up in that anymore, my friendship is worth more than that. It is by God and His unconditional love for me that I have realized that and I want everyone to know that too. God loves you so very much and you are worth so much because of Him, don't let others convince you other wise.
Psalm 136:2, "Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever."

Cycles

Some cycles are good, some are just down right sickening, like the one I'm in. Joe and I have known each other for awhile and this is our history in a nutshell: I like him, we date, and he hurts me. You may be asking, why in the world do I give him chance after chance? I don't really have an answer to that actually, I think it has something to do with how gullible I am. I've decieded he likes me because I'm gullible and I like him because he's a smooth talker. I've also realized something else, Joe is like a drug to me, he's very harmful, but I keep going back to him, kind of like an addiction. I have been hurt multiple times by him, which I've talked about on this blog, but it's really hard to get out of, just like an addiction. However, from now on I'm going to try to let go of him and this vicious cycles. Unfortunately, this is going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I am going to have to completely trust God to help me do it. So, please keep me in your prayers over the next few weeks.

Unique

This week I've spent a lot of time at home because I quite honestly don't have any where else to go. I've slept in until 1 in the afternoon and have just stayed in my pajamas the past couple of days, which is always fun. However, I'm starting to realize how much of a people person I am. I haven't really seen very many of my friends the past couple days and I'm really starting to miss them. I like to be with my friends and when I'm not around them I feel kind of weird. I almost feel like I'm all alone in this world, which is not a fun feeling to feel. It's interesting to see the different ways in which God made us. I feel all alone when I'm not surrounded by friends, where as some people don't like to be surrounded by people all the time. Realizing this really brings a lot more meaning when you read in the Bible that God made us all unique and we're all precious in His eyes. I love that He loves us and how He did make us all different it makes life a lot more interesting and it also makes Him that much more amazing.

Nick.

I started going to an event up at my church with one of my friends, who will be known as Phil. A couple of weeks later Phil invited his friend who we shall name Nick to the church event. Now I didn't know it at the time but Phil brought Nick thinking we would like each other. Turns out that Phil was right, Nick and I started to like each other, quite a bit actually. However, we only see each other once a week, so we decieded not to officially date until we got to know each other better. Those three hours we see each other I can tell that he's a really chivalrous guy and that's the thing I like most about him. Never before I have met anyone who is so respectful and to be honest before I met him I thought a chivalrous guy would get on my nerves. However, let me tell every female out there, you deserve someone who will open the door for you, throw out your trash, and pull out your chairs. Being chivalrous is more than the actions though, it's the attitude behind them, being chivalrous is being a gentleman and that is what every female in the world deserves.

Joe and I's History Part 2

A couple of months past and we didn't see each other at all. In that time I tried desperately to get over him and forget him and during that time I drew closer to God again. I thought I was completely over Joe, so when we met up again I believed that it would be fine and we could be friends, but I was really wrong. For awhile we were friends, but then I started to like him again, and for the third time he asked me out. Naturally, I said yes to him, an important detail here is that this happened on a Friday. I didn't see him on Saturday, but I did talk with one of our common friends, Will, who I have also mentioned before. Well, Will informed me that Joe had said, he would probably end up cheating on me. Being the naive woman I am I just couldn't believe Will was telling the truth, so on Sunday I called Joe up and asked him. That phone call lasted about 30 minutes and at the end of it Joe and I had broken-up and Will was right. We started dating on Friday, he cheated on me on Saturday, and we broke-up on Sunday. I now saw Joe as a jerk and someone I shouldn't be around, so I stopped talking to him, but after two weeks we were talking again and were best friends.

Joe and I's History Part 1

Joe, I've mentioned him once before, but I think it's time I let you know our history.
I met Joe in October 2006 and we hit it off great. In fact, by the end of that day we were dating, which yes looking back on it that was way too fast. He was a good boyfriend, always real sweet. However, a week after we met, he started saying 'I love you' which kinda freaked me out, but I have to say I thought I loved him too. We broke up in November that year, but got back together after a week. He always had a way with words to make me forget what I knew was right. I knew he wasn't a good guy for me, but I was so crazy about him I couldn't exactly think straight to be honest. The relationship didn't last long though, we broke-up in January 2007, actually he tricked me into dumping him. Then he has the nerve to start dating one of my friends three days later. I was not happy about that in the least, I loved this guy, he said he loved me, how could he be such a jerk to me? Even though, I wasn't at all happy with how he broke my heart like that, we stayed friends. However, our friendship also ended when I accidentally broke the necklace his deceased grandmother gave him. After that, he stopped talking to me and just would not forgive me.

Bumble Bee Part Three

Once again I found a new spot which as near one of my friends , we will call her Jane. All of a sudden I heard the buzzing of a bee and I immediately prayed, " I'm ready God." Then the bee came and buzzed back and forth right next to each ear for about a minute. The bee would come up real close to left ear and then go around to my right ear, then stop for a second and start again. Finally it got to be more than I could bare and I shot up and yelled, "I can't take it anymore!" Jane got up and ran over to me and held me tight. We stayed locked in an embrace for a minute or two when we let go and I walked far away. I walked over 5 minutes and decieded I was far enough away that no bee would find me but as soon as I sat down I heard another bee. The second I heard I freaked out and quickly walked away. I ended up making it all the way back to camp and no matter where I went a bee was always there, the time the bee landed on me seemed so long ago. This is so often how our relationship with God goes, He protects us once but then we just can't seem to find it in ourselves to trust Him again. Like it is said in Zephaniah 3:17, "The Lord your God is with you, He is might to save, He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."

Bumble Bee Part Two

A few minutes after the ladybug came the bee returned, but I tried my best to remain calm. However, I was unable stay calm when the bee came close, I freaked out and ran away. As I was running to find a new spot I had this feeling that I was running out on God, and I didn't like that feeling. I found a spot a good ways away from my previous spot and sat down. Not long after I sat down a bee came which reminded me that no matter where we go there will always be danger or trouble, we can't run from it. The fact that we can't run away from our troubles and danger reminded me just how much we need God. We can run all we want from the many trials we will experience through out our life, but they will always catch up to us. The only thing that can help us with our struggles is God and again all we have to do is ask Him to help us and He will. Like it says in Psalm 34:17, "This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; He saved him out of all of his troubles." The Bible actually says the exact same thing in that same chapter, Psalm 34:6, and if the Bible says it twice in the same chapter then it really means it.

Bumble Bee Part One

I went to a retreat with my church last month and during it we were told to be silent and just sit somewhere and listen to God for one hour. I went off of a path and found a cliff where I could be by myself with no man made things in sight. I sat that for a couple of minutes waiting for something to happen, I didn't really know what to expect. All of a sudden there was this bee buzzing around and, I am very freaked out by bees. The bee buzzed around me in circles and I prayed to God to protect me and not let it sting me, and also for it to go away. Shortly after I prayed that prayer the bee left and I sat back down on the most comfortable rock I could find, which wasn't that comfortable. Then suddenly something yellow buzzed around me and it landed on my shoulder. I turned slightly and saw a yellow ladybug, I've never seen a yellow ladybug before and took it as God telling me, "I love you and will protect you." God wants to protect us, He wants us to run into His loving arms. All we have to do is trust Him, which at least for me, is the hardest part.

Learning Verses

I have been in church all my life and it has always been greatly emphasized to memorize verses, but I never truly understood how much of a good thing learning verse was. The other day I was talking to a friend of mine about a particular belief of I have that he greatly disagrees with. We have talked about this before, but I was never able to accurately justify it until that moment. My friend, who we shall call him Joe, said something to the extent of, 'every human being does this'. In response to that I quoted a verse right off the top of my head, reference and everything. It was probably one of the most outright acts of Christianity I have done in a long time. I will never be able to fully tell you just how good it felt to have the ability to refer to the Bible like that. Now every morning when I read my Bible I try to find a verse or two that I can memorize and stow away in my heart. Just like the people in my church did I strongly encourage you to memorize verses from the Bible and keep them in your heart, so that you can defend your beliefs no matter what the circumstance.

Frustrating People

It's unbelievable how frustrating people can be and not even care. You know those types of people, they're the ones who laugh when you fail, or give you a hard time with what you believe or how you handle different situations. I deal with a person like that everyday pretty much, we shall name that person Will. Will is that person who twists my believes and tries infuriate me. The only way I have found to deal with Will is to remember that he is going to get what he deserves in Heaven and that God will dish out the punishment and I don't need to worry my pretty little head about it. Even though Will is difficult to get along with most of the time, I have to remember that God loves him, heads over heels in love with him and I need to love Will too, and continue to try to bring him to Christ.

The Painting

One of my friends recently struggled with wanting to know the end and what God had in store for her. I didn't know how to answer since, I don't know the end results either, so I simply gave her this analogy. All of our lives are like a painting with God as the artist. When God paints He paints with slow, deliberate strokes never making a single mistake. We don't know what the picture is going to look like nor can we rush our artist, but the end result is worth the wait. The final picture is a breathtakingly beautiful masterpiece that reflects the God who made and loves each and everyone of us equally and without hesitation and only wants the best for us. Like it says in Matthew 6 31-34, "So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Go

In the Bible it says numerous times to go out unto the world and spread the Word of God. Yet Christians everywhere say they're waiting for God to call them. I feel like yelling, "Hello! Christ has called you! It's in the Bible, and what's in there applies to you now as much as it applied to people back then." All Christians are commanded to go, but like I said in retrospect to how many people claim to be Christian hardly any go. Like Kieth Green once said. "This generation of Christians is responsible for this generation of souls on the earth!" What do us as Christians do with that responsibility? We blow it off thinking someone else will minister to those people. But don't you understand? You are the answer to someones prayers. Millions of people, including myself, pray for their loved ones. We pray that God would put someone into their lives that would bring them to the Lord, because our loved ones have shut the door on us. We're praying for you to step up and share your faith with those around you and be a minister. And how could you not? The God of the universe asks everyone to help Him, how can we say no? I don't know. It might be because we can't see God, we can't touch, we can't hear Him. That is faith though, faith is beyond reason. Faith is knowing that God will be with you every step of the way and will help you when you do His Will.

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of then Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you."
~ Matthew 28:19

Material Things

Most people feel that they can't live without a certain object, including myself. iPods have been around for awhile, but I hadn't gotten one until this Christmas. Before I got mine I didn't think that I would become overly attached to it, but I can honestly tell you that if I ever lost my iPod I would be devastated. I would not call it obsession, I would just be very upset if I ever lost it. It's crazy how we let material things do that to us. When we die we lose all material things, our iPods, the money, the cars, everything. So, why live for those things when we will only have it for a few years? Why not live for something more, something eternal, something like the God of the universe? Yeah, maybe that's what we should live for, a God who created everything. God has everything in His hands and yet He is head over heels in love with us and wants to have a real relationship with each individual. In my opinion, those two things alone are better than owning any and every material thing in this world.

Communication

Think about this for a second. You and your best friend stop talking and you lose contact. All of a sudden, they're not your best friend anymore. Talking to people is what builds and keeps a relationship, once that's gone the friendship just kinda fades away. However, it's not just communication, it's honest communication cause if my best friend lied to me all the time we wouldn't be best friends for very long. I is sad when friendships end, sometimes it's for the better, but it can still be sad none the less. Oh well, it's just a cycle of life that we all have to deal with.

Procrastination

We all procrastinate, I know I do a lot, and procrastinating really isn't a good thing. For example, say you need to have a paper written by January 14 at 7:30 am. You think, 'Great, I have plenty of time...I think I'll go to the movies.' This pattern continues everyday until it's January 13 at 11:00 pm. and you still haven't started the paper. Now, I admit some people are incredibly blessed and can write a well written paper in that little amount of time, but for the majority of people their paper isn't going to come out that great. If we would all just stop procrastinating and do a little bit of our work a day, we wouldn't be so stressed out the night before something needs to be done and our product would be so much better. No matter how nice that sounds, we all procrastinate, it's just a fact of life, but believe me from those rare moments where I don't procrastinate it really is so much better when we work a little bit a day. So, maybe we should all give that a try more often and see how that works out for us.

Not the way I planned

Going off from one of my posts yesterday I have a little story to tell. When I thought of starting this blog I knew I wanted it to be about what ever pops up in my mind, but I didn't know how much I wanted to talk about God. However, I pushed that thought off and start this blog. I sat at my computer desk and started typing and before I knew it Heaven was typed. I thought that that was fine I mean it's great I found a way to put God in this blog. Then the next blog came and it had a lot to do about God and before I knew it here I am today looking at my posts and most of them have God in them. I think that it's really amazing how God uses us to do His Will, I mean the fact that He is in my blog so much is because He wants to be. It has nothing to do with me, I didn't even want Him in here so much. I love that He is using this blog to do something great, I'm really excited to see where He will take this blog.

HM...

What exactly is love?
I mean, it'll be there for a moment and then disappear and yet in that moment we've never felt so strongly for someone ever before. Love is so strong that it can blind you from who someone really is and you can't see that until it's too late. Then again love can make you feel like nothing could go wrong and that all is a perfect bliss. And then the person who could have sworn you loved turns out to be just one big loser and then you fear to love again, even if the next person is worth it.

How can one go from love to hate?
Then again if someone does that, you would have to assume they never loved in the first place. And with all that happened that seems somewhat hard to believe, nor do you really want to believe it.

And why is it better to have loved and lost then never love at all?
I just can't see how that can be true, either way you must deal with a heartache, but the heartache is much worse when you have lost your love then if they never loved you in return. Which, for those of you who have never experienced that, count your blessings. Believe me, I have gone through both and yes, both are awful, but it took me months to get over loved and lost, and not nearly that long to get over the other.

Just think about it, the thing we all long for most is the one thing that can also hurt the most...that sucks

Life

It's crazy how life never seems to go the way you planned. At the moment that life takes in an unexpected turn people are usually upset by it, but later on it turns out its for the better. For example, say you tried out for the basketball team, and you really wanted to make, and you have been playing for years and you are very good, but you didn't make it. When you find out you didn't make it, you're probably pretty upset, maybe even angry, I mean how could you not make it, you're just so good at basketball. Then a couple weeks later you are completely swamped with work...oh you're swamped with work guess you'll have to quit the basketball team...wait you didn't make it. OH! That's why, God knew how hard work would hit you in the next couple of weeks, it all makes sense now.
We should always take life as it comes and remember that God is in complete control of it. No matter how we think something should happen or how hard we work to try to make it happen that way, God's ways are higher and it is going to happen God's way and it really is better that way.

My friends

I have the most incredible and supportive friends in the world. Today, an awful thing happened that I don't really want to get into and my friends were completely there for me. Through out the day today they asked me how I was doing and if things were getting better and I was just really overwhelmed with how much they care and how much love they have for me. I knew they loved and I knew they really cared about me, I just never saw how much before and I never really appreciated that as much as I did today. I just want to be a friend like that to everyone I meet and I hope that you all want to be one of those friends too. If everyone were like that, then every man would have a real true friend, and I think that that would just be so amazing.

The Start Of 2008

Goodness, I just now realized that it's really 2008. I guess I need to make a new year resolution. So, I think it's okay to have more than one resolution, if not I'm going to have more anyway.
Resolution number one: Be more of a light to people. Show Christ's love more.
Resolution number two: Grow closer to God. Read my Bible everyday and things like that.
Okay, those are my resolutions for this year. I fulfilled my resolutions last year, hopefully I can this year too. I hope everyone had a happy new years celebration and are ready for 2008 and the good things that are yet to come.

Family

I use to never spend time with my parents and siblings, but the last couple of days, i guess a week now, I've been spending a ton of time with them. It's crazy, they've always gotten on my nerves, and that's why I haven't spent a lot of time with them, but the more time I have spent with them the more I start to like them. They really are amazing people who are a lot of fun to hang out with, I guess the only reason I've pushed them away is that in the past we've spent so much time together. This past week though has been a ton of fun and I really do love my parents and siblings, and I am going to try to show that and be with them a little more, which I'm sure they'll appreciate.