Surrender

The other night I was sitting in bed listening the the radio, as I was listening a song came on and I started to sing along with it. I don't remember even what the song was but it left a big impression on me as I sang. While I was singing I felt my heart surrendering to God and tears flooded my eyes. When the song ended I started praying a prayer with more emotion than I have ever prayed before. I cried to God that I can't do it on my own and I know that now, I know that I have to give it all up to Him. I prayed for everyone near to me by name and ways I prayed God would help them. I also prayed for those I don't know, those hurting, and those being persecuted for their faith in Christ. The other night is the night that I finally learned what it meant to be broken, what it meant to come crying to God. I will never forget it because after I cried out to Him and surrendered all my burdens to Him I felt so freed and I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.

Caring

Have you ever cared so much it hurt? I can honestly say that as of today, I have. In case you need me to, let me define 'caring so much it hurts'. What I mean by that is that my heart feels heavy with all my caring, everyday I see people throwing their lives away on silly mistakes. It hurts so much to see them make those silly choices that I cry because I love them all so much and I worry about them. I think this is the caring that Christ has for us, I think I'm experiencing what Christ feels for us, at least more than I have before. I mean, I don't just feel this way for people I'm friends with but also for the people struggling who's conversations I overhear while passing by. My heart goes out to those hurting and have a broken heart or dealing with addictions, a huge reason for that is because of my Uncle John.
1 Thessalonians 2:6b-8, "As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us." Those verses describe exactly what I'm going through, word for word almost. I have to learn that I can't save the world, which is really hard for me. I have to remember that only Christ can heal broken spirits and He can save people just like He saved me. He doesn't need my help and I am so honored that He lets me be a piece in His plan. Not only that, but these are also the times when we grow closer to God, which is what I learned this Easter.
Exodus 15:2, "The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him."

Crazy

I have been friends with a boy, who we will name Mike, for a quite a few months now. We've gotten a long alright, I've always thought he was great, but also a little odd. It turns out that ever since I met him he's been testing me and 'picking' at me in different ways. Apparently every year he chooses someone to help, by help he means that he finds out someone's greatest weakness and attempts to fix it. He has done this for three years now and has determined me as a complete success.
He had determined my greatest weakness as my lack of self-confidence, so these past months he's been challenging me in multiple ways to see if I improve in that area. Not only would he test me but he would also talk to me about how I need to stand-up for myself more and it wasn't until a few days ago that I actually did. It was really exciting and I now see Mike completely different. I see him as a guy who really cares about people and likes to help them out. I see him as someone who is very smart and can really understand someone and find things they can improve on. However, not only can he find the weakness but he can also find a way to help them improve it. I've never seen anyone do that before and I think that's really incredible.

Love

Love is a word that people use all the time, it is also a word that can easily be misunderstood when used in English. For example you could say, "I love you" to a friend of the opposite gender and mean you love them as a friends, but they could accidentally take it in a romantic sense. The Greek, however, were very smart and had multiple words for love, a different word for all the senses of the word. The most commonly used and recognized is agape meaning unconditional, unselfish, and undeserved love. Agape is the way that God loves us and I believe that only He deserves agape and is the only that can fully give it.
Besides agape there are three other Greek words for love. Storge is family love, philia is friendship love, and eros is romantic love. I really like that the Greek had all these words for love because love is the greatest thing on earth. It's one of the things that the human soul longs for the most. I think that we should say I love you to those that we do love often, whether it be storge, philia, or even eros because it just means so much to hear those three words. And I want you to know that my heart is filled with philia for you and I pray that your heart is being filled with agape for God.

Getting A Rise

People often times mess with people to get a reaction, and they enjoy doing that. It's very easy to give them the reaction they're looking for, but you can't give them that satisfaction. It's really difficult to ignore those people when they are annoying you, trust me I know, but you have to. It's so much easier to react and yell at them or try to talk to them about it. However you have to listen to me when I say it's not worth it. If they are going to be rude to you then they aren't worth your time. God made you special and you deserve incredible friends that love you and don't treat you like dirt. When people treat you poorly remember the intensity of God's love for you and understand that the Lord of lords and King of kings wouldn't want you to let anyone treat you that way.
Psalm 139:14, "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Adventure

Life with God in control is like a never-ending adventure jam-packed with excitement. The adventure does go through rough patches, but then there are those times when you feel God is so close that it's breath-taking. Those times trump the bad times and make it all worth it, however the reason we follow God can slip away during the hard times. During those hard times we have to remember that God is still there and wants to carry us, like it says in the song I Will Carry You by Amy Grant. God's strength is more than enough to see us through the difficult times and He wants to carry us, so why don't we let Him?
We don't let Him because we think He's abandoned us, however it's the opposite. The times that pull us away from God are meant to draw us closer. It's like what I said yesterday it's during the extremely hard times that we understand Him. No matter where you are in the adventure right now, pray to God asking Him to remind you that He is always there and never stops caring, no matter how much we believe otherwise.

Passion Week

Passion Week is the last week of Jesus's life, it starts on Palm Sunday and goes to Good Friday. Through out that week Jesus goes through almost everything you can imagine. He experiences going from the top of the world, having a parade and people praising Him to being betrayed by one of His good friends and being killed with no fault. So He understands everything we are going through when we think no one else does. Actually when we are feeling down it is then that we really understand Him and the pain He experienced.
Today is Easter Sunday, but I prefer to think of it as Resurrection Sunday. It's a day that we remember that we are not alone even when we feel like no one understands. We have a hope like no one because of Christ, His sacrifice, and His resurrection. We have the blessings of knowing that even though He is the God of the universe He understands and loves each of us beyond comprehension.
Hebrews 4:15-16, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in our time of need."

Poor Souls

I was talking with a few of my friends the other day and we started talking about religion. Three of my friends thought one thing and my other friend and I thought the opposite, the sad thing is that we all said we were Christians. The three friends that I was talking to said quite a few things that contradicted the Bible, like all religions worship the same god. To hear my friends talk like this really hurt, it made the friend I agreed with, who we'll name George, and I really worried for them. We're worried because if they can disagree as much as they did with the Scripture then they might not be saved. However, George and I know that only God knows people's hearts and all we can do is pray for them. My three friends said that they weren't rock solid on their beliefs and that gives me hope. God can show Himself through me to them and with prayer they can come to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ too.

Anger

At this moment I am in a situation where someone is being incredibly aggravating and I am defiantly showing my anger. Actually, to be honest I am way past angry I am up to the point where I am infuriated and enraged, which is a new feeling for me. I've never really been this furious with someone before and I don't like it, I feel rather violent towards the person which is never okay. As it is stated in Genesis 49:7, "Cursed be their anger, so fierce, and their fury, so cruel! I will scatter them in Jacob and disperse then in Israel." Christ does get angry, but His anger is righteous, mine isn't. I have to strive to be like Christ and learn to do as it says in Luke 6:28-29, "bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic." So again I implore you to pray for me in this area, your prayers are always greatly appreciated. Also if you ever have any prayer requests please send me a comment and I will make it a priority to pray for you.

Memories

The brain remembers a lot of things, one example is memories. The brain can store memories by different things like taste and sight however, the strongest way is by smell. I have a flood of memories attached to a certain scent, I would describe it to you but I don't know how to. It was what Joe always smelled like, so all of my memories with him are attached to this one smell. The one that sticks out the most though is the time that we went to see a play together. During intermission we went outside and had a lot of fun walking and teasing each other. As you can imagine, now, when I smell that smell my stomach flip-flops and it's very bitter-sweet. This smell and everything that the smell causes usually isn't a problem but, I just bought a few pairs of pants that have that scent. I'm sure after I wash the pants a couple more times the smell will go away, but right now to go around all day with that smell is hard for me. So please, pray for me to stay strong and continue to not have contact with Joe. I know he's not worth it but it's still extremely hard so please pray for me, I really need it right now.

It's Not Okay

I have always thought that forgiving people is something I should do no matter what because if Jesus can forgive me then there's no reason why I can't forgive others. However, it is not okay to say 'it's okay' if someone hurts you're feelings. You may think that you're saying 'I forgive you' but you're really not. What you are saying is that someone didn't hurt your feelings when that isn't true, and it is not okay for people to hurt your feelings. You need to say other things to get across to people that you forgive them, you could say 'thank you for apologizing' or 'I forgive you'. The mother of my friend, who we'll name Matt, taught me this very important lesson. It's something I defiantly needed to learn that, it's like God spoke through Matt's mom. I really encourage you guys to think about that cause that's something I think a lot of people do without realizing it. If you are one of those people who do this, don't worry I'm right there with you and I'm praying for God to help us not to do that anymore.

The Old Me

In the past I have been the girl who cares a lot about what people say about her. I have always cared when people were upset with something I did and I would try to fix it. This morning I got a message from Will, who I have mentioned before, and he said he was very upset with me. He told me to not even talk to him because what I did didn't just affect him it affected other people too. He also said that I wasn't just losing him as a friend but those other people as well. Now, usually I would talk to him about it and try to fix it, and that's what he is expecting because that is the person I have always been, however I'm different now. Today I am a much stronger person than I was yesterday and I really don't care if Will is upset with me. If he doesn't want to talk to me because of something I did, which to be honest is probably something really small, than fine. If that's how he wants to react to things he can, but I'm not going to be caught up in that anymore, my friendship is worth more than that. It is by God and His unconditional love for me that I have realized that and I want everyone to know that too. God loves you so very much and you are worth so much because of Him, don't let others convince you other wise.
Psalm 136:2, "Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever."

Cycles

Some cycles are good, some are just down right sickening, like the one I'm in. Joe and I have known each other for awhile and this is our history in a nutshell: I like him, we date, and he hurts me. You may be asking, why in the world do I give him chance after chance? I don't really have an answer to that actually, I think it has something to do with how gullible I am. I've decieded he likes me because I'm gullible and I like him because he's a smooth talker. I've also realized something else, Joe is like a drug to me, he's very harmful, but I keep going back to him, kind of like an addiction. I have been hurt multiple times by him, which I've talked about on this blog, but it's really hard to get out of, just like an addiction. However, from now on I'm going to try to let go of him and this vicious cycles. Unfortunately, this is going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I am going to have to completely trust God to help me do it. So, please keep me in your prayers over the next few weeks.

Unique

This week I've spent a lot of time at home because I quite honestly don't have any where else to go. I've slept in until 1 in the afternoon and have just stayed in my pajamas the past couple of days, which is always fun. However, I'm starting to realize how much of a people person I am. I haven't really seen very many of my friends the past couple days and I'm really starting to miss them. I like to be with my friends and when I'm not around them I feel kind of weird. I almost feel like I'm all alone in this world, which is not a fun feeling to feel. It's interesting to see the different ways in which God made us. I feel all alone when I'm not surrounded by friends, where as some people don't like to be surrounded by people all the time. Realizing this really brings a lot more meaning when you read in the Bible that God made us all unique and we're all precious in His eyes. I love that He loves us and how He did make us all different it makes life a lot more interesting and it also makes Him that much more amazing.

Nick.

I started going to an event up at my church with one of my friends, who will be known as Phil. A couple of weeks later Phil invited his friend who we shall name Nick to the church event. Now I didn't know it at the time but Phil brought Nick thinking we would like each other. Turns out that Phil was right, Nick and I started to like each other, quite a bit actually. However, we only see each other once a week, so we decieded not to officially date until we got to know each other better. Those three hours we see each other I can tell that he's a really chivalrous guy and that's the thing I like most about him. Never before I have met anyone who is so respectful and to be honest before I met him I thought a chivalrous guy would get on my nerves. However, let me tell every female out there, you deserve someone who will open the door for you, throw out your trash, and pull out your chairs. Being chivalrous is more than the actions though, it's the attitude behind them, being chivalrous is being a gentleman and that is what every female in the world deserves.

Joe and I's History Part 2

A couple of months past and we didn't see each other at all. In that time I tried desperately to get over him and forget him and during that time I drew closer to God again. I thought I was completely over Joe, so when we met up again I believed that it would be fine and we could be friends, but I was really wrong. For awhile we were friends, but then I started to like him again, and for the third time he asked me out. Naturally, I said yes to him, an important detail here is that this happened on a Friday. I didn't see him on Saturday, but I did talk with one of our common friends, Will, who I have also mentioned before. Well, Will informed me that Joe had said, he would probably end up cheating on me. Being the naive woman I am I just couldn't believe Will was telling the truth, so on Sunday I called Joe up and asked him. That phone call lasted about 30 minutes and at the end of it Joe and I had broken-up and Will was right. We started dating on Friday, he cheated on me on Saturday, and we broke-up on Sunday. I now saw Joe as a jerk and someone I shouldn't be around, so I stopped talking to him, but after two weeks we were talking again and were best friends.

Joe and I's History Part 1

Joe, I've mentioned him once before, but I think it's time I let you know our history.
I met Joe in October 2006 and we hit it off great. In fact, by the end of that day we were dating, which yes looking back on it that was way too fast. He was a good boyfriend, always real sweet. However, a week after we met, he started saying 'I love you' which kinda freaked me out, but I have to say I thought I loved him too. We broke up in November that year, but got back together after a week. He always had a way with words to make me forget what I knew was right. I knew he wasn't a good guy for me, but I was so crazy about him I couldn't exactly think straight to be honest. The relationship didn't last long though, we broke-up in January 2007, actually he tricked me into dumping him. Then he has the nerve to start dating one of my friends three days later. I was not happy about that in the least, I loved this guy, he said he loved me, how could he be such a jerk to me? Even though, I wasn't at all happy with how he broke my heart like that, we stayed friends. However, our friendship also ended when I accidentally broke the necklace his deceased grandmother gave him. After that, he stopped talking to me and just would not forgive me.